I've always loved an adventurous life. Upon finishing secondary education. I followed God's voice into a path that I, never would thought of in my wildest dream. Many friends would question why would I take up such awkward path, diverted totally from the original, few know I indebted my life to my Saviour. For a while I naively thought I could stay faithful, until test came. While I was on fire serving God, the biggest test came. It seeps into my daily life like a poison, slowly and stealthily. I saw it coming, but I was just too careless and confident, thinking I could handle it single-handedly. I was wrong.
By the time I took notice of it, the matter looked more serious than it is in my imagination. Making a u-turn isn't impossible. However, it came with a heavy price. Time-consuming and much effort is needed. On the positive side, it provides an opportunity for the stubborn me to fully rely on Him for strength and wisdom.(Zech 4:6) Deep in my heart I know, that this is one of the things that I must go through. That this is a preparation period for something more important. For a purpose bigger than myself. For my destiny.
Humans are like superman. Born with superpowers. Our temper, characters, habits, talents and gifts, etc. Throughout our lives we learn to master them. One important process is the process of molding. As to clay by its potter.(Isa 64:8) Some good ones succeed and continue to bring blessings to their circle of influence; though some bad ones abuse their powers and bring turmoils to lives around them.
Who am I to boast that I can do this and that? In the end, I am just a clay, ready to be molded. it's not surrendering myself to be taken by lightly, but with my life I trust the greatness and fullness of He who mold me.(psalm 31:19) Relationship is one of the most difficult thing any young sons of God need to experience, but it is also one of the most rewarding experience you will encounter in your life. Once again I ask myself, if I am willing to surrender everything I have to God. After some consideration, with much struggle, my answer remains positive. Yes, I am willing. For when I was born, I had nothing, except for the love of God. Till this day, I have everything, I still have His love within me. For that, I shall want nothing, except for more of His love. This is a song that best describes my feelings right now:
Amazing Grace Lyrics
John Newton (1725-1807)
Stanza 6 anon.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
The other day I cried myself to sleep, thinking why not even one person understands me wholly. That night I dreamt of myself already around 30s, shopping together with a girl much younger than I was, that felt like my daughter. We were so happy together, looking at all the things we liked. When I was about to wake up from that dream, God spoke to me and told me that just like the feeling that girl gave me, he would forever remains my best friend, and I shall never be lonely. That night I was healed, from the darkest trauma of my childhood.
Hope this post gives you some inspiration ;)
